What Happens When a Crackhead Goes Through Security?

Doug Stephan Lawyer, News & Views Leave a Comment

They say, “stupid is as stupid does” and that goes double for William Gillespie. The 29-year-old Erie, Pennsylvania man was arrested for possession of a controlled substance with the intent to deliver and possession of drug paraphernalia, after he tried to enter the county courthouse with more than a dozen bags of crack cocaine. Gillespie was passing through the courthouse metal detector when he emptied the contents of his pockets into a bowl. The Erie County sheriff’s deputy became suspicious when Gillespie placed a pill bottle in the bowl. Upon further investigation, the officer discovered 15 individually packaged crack rocks.

Somebody tell Notorious BIG . . . we have an 11th Crack Commandment.  First of all kids, don’t do crack. It’s bad and nobody likes a crackhead. Second of all, why in the world would you think to bring your crack rocks into the courthouse? I understand that jury duty is kind of boring but they don’t let you take a break to smoke some rocks. Even Tyrone Biggums would think this is a bad idea. I suppose you could have been going to look for some new clients. Just like a courthouse steps lawyer, William Gillespie is leading the crack business with innovative marketing strategies.

P.S. Seriously though can we talk about how bothersome courthouse metal detectors are? I think they just randomly beep at people. I will walk into one courthouse and walk right through. Go to another court across the street and bells and whistles are going off like I won Supermarket Sweep. One courthouse even requires I take off my belt. By the time I get my keys, phone, headphones, change, pens, and other random shit out of my pocket I am 10 minutes late to my hearing. At least I can bill for it I suppose.

P.P.S. Too bad this guy wasn’t flying. TSA would have probably just let this guy roll through. Sure they would have strip-searched him but after that Billy and his pill bottle could have enjoyed his crack high shopping for ridiculous things in a SkyMall.

P.P.P.S. Yea, I’m going triple P.S. – How do you individually wrap crack rocks? Do you put a bow on them? Maybe come up with a nice origami fold to bring some feng shui to the crackhead?

Post image courtesy of Shutterstock.

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