Who is Al Dickman?

Bitter Staff Columns, Lawyer 20 Comments

In the brief history of Bitter Lawyer, one man has distinguished himself by commenting on nearly every piece of content we’ve put up. That man is Al Dickman.

Since we love comments (and because our own lunch plans fell through), we decided to sit down with Mr. Dickman and find out more about this legal sage and social commentator.

BL: Dickman, we’ll get right to the point. Who are you?

Dickman: I’m the guy that everyone loves to hate.

BL: Kind of a big ego you’ve got there, Dickman. Where can one acquire that sense of self-importance that you clearly have in spades?

Dickman: Get an old immigrant as a secretary and you’ll be fine.

BL: Secretary? So, you use her to boost your ego?

Dickman: I don’t think I will weigh in on this one because anything I say will be bashed by the women and the weasels trying to get some from those women.

BL: Fair enough. But here’s the thing, it’s a down economy and one of our readers says he can’t afford a secretary. Any advice for them?

Dickman: Tell this guy to become a hermaphrodite.

BL: Won’t that make him… well, something of a dillweed, for lack of a better word?

Dickman: Just don’t get an LLM from another crummy school or you will forever be branded as a dillweed.

BL: Dickman, you really know your stuff. Surely there must be a question you have for the legal community at large.

Dickman: Can someone explain why we can’t do anything about a woman who passes so much gas that we can’t stand it? HR says she’s protected under the ADA; we say this is bunk.

BL: Why don’t you just try talking to her about the smell?

Dickman: We shouldn’t waste time with losers.

BL: Pretty harsh, Dickman. Speaking of losers, can you tell us the secret of your success?

Dickman: I didn’t go to a top school, nor did I graduate at the top of my class. [But] I did do something right. I married a college student whose dad was impressed with my law degree and who has mucho dinero. Now I don’t think this avenue will work for everyone, but this is not a bad ace in the hole to have.

BL: Thanks for your time, Dickman. Tell us one last thing, if you will. How do we Bitter Lawyers get to live the Al Dickman fabulous life?

Dickman: Get the hottest chick, homes in Bel Air and Palm Desert.

BL: Sounds simple enough.

Dickman: Keep dreaming, loser. Envy will get you nowhere.

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  • Anonymous

    This is a funny piece of work!  I see Dickman as the kind of guy many men wish they can be, but aren’t. yet there.  He’s appears to have a good life (probably in Southern Cal) and is not particularly bashful about pointing out things to people.  He’s also pretty good about counseling young attorneys like me.  Thanks, Dickman and Bitter Lawyer!

  • BSD

    Dickman is my hero!!!

  • Anonymous

    What, no Dickman comment?  Come on, Al.  Sack up!

  • Al Dickman

    I am humbly honored, and never realized that these comments could be turned into something so humorous.  I do sound some kind of a dick; maybe that’s why I’ve been so named.  In any event, you guys have done a great job on this column!

  • Southern Lawyer

    Fucking hilarious!

  • Anon

    What a jerk.

  • Bitter Fan

    In re Dickman—Just when you think he’s a total douche, he surprises you with some keen insight.  Funny column!

  • Dickman fan

    This is hilarious! we love you Al!

  • Shelly

    Love this site

  • Al Dickman’s brother-in-law

    Does your hot rich wife have a sister?  I have a law degree too.

  • Bitter Lawyer Staff

    Al, Thanks for taking the joke so well. And thanks to everyone for commenting and reading.

  • Catelyn

    super funny article—still laughing

  • Al Dickman

    Update on the flatulence issue for you readers.  For the record, at least down under in New Zealand, a discriminaiton claim for unlawful dismissal is NOT actionable.  See http://www.stuff.co.nz/blogs/lifeatwork/2008/02/22/farting-employee-blown-away-no-discrimination-for-flatulence/

  • Anonymous

    Are we really going to let Dickman have the last word on this one, folks?

  • Ex

    Hey, the older immigrant secretary thing was my line!  It’s all good though, Al’s the man.

  • Anonimouse

    Anyone else notice the resemblance between Ellen Barshevsky (of ABA fame) and Al Dickman. Other than, the fact that one is a douche and the other is named “Ellen”, you can’t tell them apart!

  • Anonymous

    Dickman is cool.  Who is Ellen Barshevsky, anyway?

  • Law Dude

    LOVE Dickman!!

  • MJ25

    dickman rocks

  • William

    Who is Dickman, man?