In the brief history of Bitter Lawyer, one man has distinguished himself by commenting on nearly every piece of content we’ve put up. That man is Al Dickman.
Since we love comments (and because our own lunch plans fell through), we decided to sit down with Mr. Dickman and find out more about this legal sage and social commentator.
BL: Dickman, we’ll get right to the point. Who are you?
Dickman: I’m the guy that everyone loves to hate.
BL: Kind of a big ego you’ve got there, Dickman. Where can one acquire that sense of self-importance that you clearly have in spades?
Dickman: Get an old immigrant as a secretary and you’ll be fine.
BL: Secretary? So, you use her to boost your ego?
Dickman: I don’t think I will weigh in on this one because anything I say will be bashed by the women and the weasels trying to get some from those women.
BL: Fair enough. But here’s the thing, it’s a down economy and one of our readers says he can’t afford a secretary. Any advice for them?
Dickman: Tell this guy to become a hermaphrodite.
BL: Won’t that make him… well, something of a dillweed, for lack of a better word?
Dickman: Just don’t get an LLM from another crummy school or you will forever be branded as a dillweed.
BL: Dickman, you really know your stuff. Surely there must be a question you have for the legal community at large.
Dickman: Can someone explain why we can’t do anything about a woman who passes so much gas that we can’t stand it? HR says she’s protected under the ADA; we say this is bunk.
BL: Why don’t you just try talking to her about the smell?
Dickman: We shouldn’t waste time with losers.
BL: Pretty harsh, Dickman. Speaking of losers, can you tell us the secret of your success?
Dickman: I didn’t go to a top school, nor did I graduate at the top of my class. [But] I did do something right. I married a college student whose dad was impressed with my law degree and who has mucho dinero. Now I don’t think this avenue will work for everyone, but this is not a bad ace in the hole to have.
BL: Thanks for your time, Dickman. Tell us one last thing, if you will. How do we Bitter Lawyers get to live the Al Dickman fabulous life?
Dickman: Get the hottest chick, homes in Bel Air and Palm Desert.
BL: Sounds simple enough.
Dickman: Keep dreaming, loser. Envy will get you nowhere.