Your Panties Are Safe Again

Police in Wisconsin are reporting that a man who broke into several women’s homes and made off with their underwear was charged last week with five counts of felony burglary. The man, Christopher Sullivan, allegedly broke into the women’s residences, stole some bras and panties, and then, as The Smoking Gun reports, he would later “superimpose the women’s images onto pictures taken from pornographic magazines and mail them to the women along with other creepy pictures that used Barbie dolls as props.”

After searching his home, police recovered at least three headless Barbie dolls with metal rods through their knees, along with a handwritten confession admitting “Recently I sent some threatening letters to; did damage to some property; and stole from some people that made me angry and frustrated.”

When asked why he would do such things, Sullivan responded that one of his victims, his upstairs neighbor, apparently “had very loud sex,” which “angered” him—and another had “caught his attention” while riding a lawnmower in a bikini. He also told police that while he would indeed classify himself as a “sexual predator,” his religion prevented him from crossing the line into raping or murdering because that would be a “grave sin.”

When reached for comment, Sullivan refused to elaborate on what religion that is, exactly, but rumor has it that David Duchovny has recently requested information on its requirements for membership. [The Smoking Gun]