Happy National Revenge and Malicious Compliance Day! Today is the day you get to share your favorite stories involving masterminded plots and cunningly crafted ploys of vengeance.
Just kidding…but let’s read some fun favorites anyways!
Getting revenge is as juicy as a Georgia peach, and hearing about it tastes just as sweet. We’ve gathered together our top five favorite tales of revenge and malicious compliance for you to enjoy!
(For privacy concerns, the names of those recounting their stories for us have been replaced with other titles.)
Sit back, relax, and let’s dive in!
1. The Cookie Jar
We’ll start with a soft one that my sister shared with me about my nephew, Rex.
Rex is a cookie monster, like most kids under 10. They have a rule in the house of one cookie per day, after dinner.
This ruled worked out well for a while until Rex got a bit older and realized he could sneak some cookies while nobody was watching. So, my sister placed the cookie jar high up out of reach.
This worked out for a few weeks until Rex learned how to stack items to climb higher. Eventually, he reached the cookie jar and claimed his victory. However, instead of gobbling down all the goodies at once, Rex turned the tides to take revenge.
There’s a cubby under the stairs that’s a bit too cumbersome for adults to crawl into, but perfect for kids. Knowing his mother loathed rummaging through that cluttered storage space, Rex set out to hide the cookies here away from her watchful eye. Every day, before dinner, Rex would sneak a cookie from his cubby in secret.
She knew, of course, but was impressed with his self-imposed cookie rationing and kept up his secret none-the-less.
2. Hit and Homerun
Jerry lived alone in an apartment complex, with two spaces in the parking garage. Like most garages, though, the spaces could only be accessed from one side.
Jerry would frequently share his extra spot with friends and neighbors. That is until a mystery-man with a Sedan seemingly moved in. This stranger snagged the extra spot at every chance, even blocking Jerry in!
Jerry left several notes on the car, warning of the consequences. But the offender continued. He documented the situation and contacted the building manager and a towing company, but neither offered any help.
So, one night, with the help of some friends and the aid of some spirits, they hatched a plan.
Using hydraulic lifting jacks, Jerry and his mates relocated the intruding car behind a pillar. It was so snugly fit that the driver would have to spend hours to dislodge it.
For extra measure, Jerry took a swing at the car with a baseball bat. (Regrettably, he admits.) He left one last note, bluntly scrawled in Sharpie: “find a law firm,” along with his contact information.
The car vanished the next day, the owner never to be heard from.
3. “Getting Revenge!” She Screamed
Margarette had a friendly rivalry with her younger sister, Patricia, since they were little. Being the oldest, Margarette asserted that she would be the first to be married.
Turns out their middle-brother, Dennis, beat them both to the punch. Still, all these years later, Margarette and Patricia maintained their little competition. Each being in healthy, flourishing relationships for a few years now, both girls felt the stakes silently rising in the background.
So when it came time for Bruce to pop Patricia the question, Margarette was a bit bitter but excitedly supportive. Naturally, Patricia gave her sister the title of maid of honor. Margarette was thrilled.
As the weeks trudged on and the wedding date loomed ever closer, Margarette’s will wavered. On the way to the bridal dress fitting, after enduring her sister’s flagrant flapping for too long on the ride over, she made a rash decision.
Margarette kicked her sister to the curb, then texted her boyfriend. She wrote: “pack bags, we’re going to Vegas!”
As Margarette began to speed away, Patricia yelled out, “What the hell are you doing!?”
“Getting revenge!” She screamed. “I’m going to Vegas with Neil and getting married before you!”
4. Yes, Ma’am
College towns across America thrive on Friday night football games. But those that frequent these games can sometimes get a little rough and rowdy. And rude.
A friend of mine, Karim, used to be a waiter at a local restaurant in one of these football towns. He’d tell me that the football fans could easily rise to the thousands, all jammed into their tiny town. As you can expect, wait times at the restaurant could be painful, for staff and guests alike.
One night, with a line out the door and the kitchen backed up to nearly an hour, Karim drew the lucky gamble of the pissed-off patron.
Let’s call her Mandy. Mandy wanted her fried cheese bites. Despite having only ordered them five minutes ago, she wanted them now. Karim explained the situation in the kitchen while assuring Mandy that he would bring her fried cheese to her as soon as they were ready.
Mandy persisted, demanding her cheese bites take precedence. She screamed above the bustling crowd: “Goddammit, I want my cheese bites and I want them NOW!”
So, Karim excused himself from his current table and went into the kitchen to fetch her fried cheese bites. As they were right at that moment: frozen. He poured out a ramekin of marinara sauce, decoratively arranged it all on a plate, and then brought it out to Mandy.
With a hospitable grin, he presented her the dish, saying, “Here are your fried cheese bites. Usually, I say, ‘careful, they’re hot!’, but these ones should be fine. Enjoy.”
(If you liked this one, check out more horrors from the kitchen!)
5. Not a Square to Spare
This one’s about a girl, we’ll call her Lainee.
Succumbing to her overburdened bladder in the midst of a vintage viewing of Schindler’s List, Lainee scurries out of the aisles and into the bathroom. Settling into the toilet stall, she soon finds sweet relief.
But alas! after emptying herself, Lainee reaches into the toilet paper dispensary only to find nothing! She is shaken, but only for a moment. A scuffled cough comes from the stall over; the thought of a kind stranger coming to her aid gives Lainee a sigh of relief.
“Excuse me,” Lainee says. “This is kind of embarrassing, but I seem to have run out of toilet tissue over here… do you mind reaching under and passing me a few squares?”
A pause, then: “Sorry,” a cold voice replies. “I don’t have a square to spare.”
A flush, and then the obtuse occupant exits the bathroom. Lainee feels a rush of abandonment, but this feeling soon grows into a burning yearning for exacting revenge.
Eventually, Lainee finds the opportune moment, and—yadda yadda yadda, she gets her revenge.
What About You!?
Have you any stories of getting revenge you wish to share? A tale of malicious compliance to fire up our collective schadenfreude? We want to hear it!
Share your stories in the comments below!