To: Peroneus Longus (right), Associate Ankle Stabilizer, Right Leg Dept.
From: The Brain, Director of Whole Body, Inc.
Date: April 28, 2015
Subject: Your Communication Regarding 04-06-2015 Trail Run
It has come to my attention that you were dissatisfied with our 4-mile run through the woods on April 6, 2015. I understand that you felt you were not adequately prepared for such activities. We at headquarters appreciate your concerns.
In spite of the fact that I just recently learned your name and may shortly forget it, your role as Associate Ankle Stabilizer does not go unappreciated. You have had some past failures in your performance that resulted in major setbacks for Whole Body, Inc. and severe damage to your coworker, peroneal tendon, who, as you know, has never fully recovered. However, we recognize that your task is quite demanding and in general, your performance is outstanding. We all greatly appreciate your hard work and dedication to team Foot, Ankle, and Lower Leg (FALL). That being said, with the onset of spring and the melting of snow, trail runs such as the one yesterday will become common practice. Please plan accordingly and be prepared to work overtime throughout the coming weeks and months to support Team FALL and the Right Leg Department as we explore new trails together. Note that future complaints will be ignored if not a matter of life and death.
Further, we are fully aware that, as you were so quick to point out in your recent correspondence, you are “all we’ve got.” We would like to remind you, however, that you receive considerable assistance from peroneus brevis and some other specialized muscle groups and tendons. Moreover, you are allotted 7-8 hours each night for full recuperation, and you are provided with frequent breaks throughout the day and weekly or bi-weekly “lazy days.” Please keep in mind that these benefits are a privilege, not a right. We reserve the right to cut back on rest hours for uncooperative body parts.
Please spread the word about these new developments among your colleagues, as we have received a number of complaints from both Right and Left Leg departments concerning yesterday’s run.
We appreciate your cooperation in this matter.
[Image via Shutterstock]