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Cinéma Atroce: Surf Nazis Must Die

  The Bomb Squad /   May 19, 2015 /   Critic, Live Blog /   Leave a Comment

Hey, remember in the ’80s when your friends used to make videos on the beach? And sometimes you got your mom involved? And she rode a motorcycle? That’s what tonight’s movie, Surf Nazis Must Die, reminds us of: campy, low-budget films with thinly held-together plots and a lot of cheesy fight scenes. We love it when the punches sound like someone slapping a giant ham with a wet palm.

From what we can tell from the trailer (which cuts off at the very end in a hilarious way, see below), an earthquake destroys California, which is unfortunate because the only thing preventing the rise of surfer gangs, led/controlled by the surf Nazis, is total tectonic stability (of course). These surf Nazis do not seem very chill, and instead have a propensity toward violence…kind of like regular Nazis. They kill a bunch of people, including a man whose mother then goes on a rampage because “Surf Nazis Must Die!”

Showtime is tonight, 9pm Central. Make yourself a cocktail, find yourself a comfy spot on the couch, tune in to Surf Nazis Must Die on Netflix, and pull up the liveblog starting at 9pm CDT.

Jump right down to the liveblog.

Tonight’s Movie

Tonight’s Bloggers

Bomb Voyage and Bomberella as The Bomb Squad: Dismantling bad movies one live-blog at a time.

Tonight’s Cocktail

Beach Bum

It seems fitting to drink something fruity and breezy when we’re watching a super campy violent movie about two seemingly disparate things: surfers and Nazis.

Ingredients in the The Beach Bum Cocktail

2 oz vodka
.5 oz Cointreau
1 oz fresh lime juice
.5 oz Maraschino liqueur
1 dash grenadine
Fill a rocks glass with, well, rocks* and a shaker with all of the ingredients except the grenadine. Shake well and strain into the glass, topping it off with the grenadine and garnishing with fresh mint.
*and by rocks, we mean ice

Tonight’s Liveblog

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20158:51 pm

Tonight’s Cocktail looks kind of like there’s blood on the beach…and I substituted Triple Sec for the Cointreau. But shhhhh!

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20158:52 pm

“The gnarliest cult-comedy surf action-adventure ever!” sure does have a lot of qualifications in it.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20158:53 pm

It’s true. But, you know, go big or go home. 

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20158:54 pm

I think we should take a drink whenever someone says “gnarly,” “bodacious,” or “tubular.” It’s the Bill and Ted Drinking Game!

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20158:57 pm

We’re going to get it started in 5, so grab a drink and settle in!

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:01 pm

Okay everyone, push play…NOW!

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:01 pm

I mixed up a really special cocktail tonight. It’s called an Old Fashioned on the Beach.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:01 pm

This is a film by “The Institute.” 

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:02 pm

“Goofy footers are an inferior race.” Whoa, gettin’ specific.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:02 pm

It’s just a regular Old Fashioned, by the way. Sentient steampunk typewriters don’t have a lot in the way of memory for cocktail recipes.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:02 pm

Surf Nazis absolutely do not surf goofy footed!

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:02 pm

Ben and I are digging the soundtrack. Super 80s. It’s like the Running Man soundtrack.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:03 pm

WHERE ARE THESE KIDS’ PARENTS?

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:03 pm

Whoever did the costuming and makeup did not do a good job with the “Woman just uprooted by earthquake.” She looked way too kempt.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:04 pm

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:04 pm

Well, we’re on track for a Bechdel Test win tonight. There is a woman whose name is “Smeg’s Mom.” That’s a name all right.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:05 pm

Steampunk writers need to expand their palettes. 

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:05 pm

I’m pretty sure I watched this when I was like 15, but I have no recollection of it.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:05 pm

Smeg’s mom is not a name! Alison Bechdel would spit on that theory.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:06 pm

I’m pretty sure I wasn’t born when this came out.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:06 pm

Her middle name is obviously “Mom.” I think you’re being too literal.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:07 pm

Apparently The Big One just happened and LA is overrun by gangs. In other words, LA is totally normal.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:07 pm

Seriously, being named by your relationship to a man is an automatic failure of the Bechdel test.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:07 pm

“Some time in the near future …” a/k/a 1987.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:07 pm

Love the shark truck.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:08 pm

Wait, are there actually oil rigs on the beach in California?

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:08 pm

Yes, and the Nazi youth now throw garage sales. 

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:09 pm

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:09 pm

I think this movie is probably too low-budget to afford any kind of set, so there must actually be an oil rig on a beach somewhere.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:10 pm

I hadn’t thought of that, but you’re probably right.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:10 pm

This Hook guy took a wrong turn at a Clockwork Orange.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:11 pm

Is it too soon to be watching a movie that features gangs who ride on motorcycles sometimes?

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:11 pm

Why are the surfers Nazis?

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:11 pm

Because they’re all blond. Duh. Oh, wait…

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:12 pm

They’re actually pretty decent surfers. Terrible acting so far, but the surfing’s alright.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:13 pm

“Aw man, I’ve got something stuck in my teeth.”

Totally unscripted scene.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:13 pm

Pretty much.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:14 pm

I wonder how many times he’s cut himself. 

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:14 pm

Ben and I both think there have been some missed lines here. 

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:15 pm

“I am the fuhrer of the new beach.”

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:15 pm

“We could make a real…killing.” Oh snap!

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:15 pm

OMG the fake laughing is too much.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:16 pm

These kids take themselves way too seriously.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:16 pm

Especially considering the normally chill attitudes of surfers.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:17 pm

So, is this a meeting of the gangs, a la Warriors?

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:18 pm

Things that were big in the 80s: surfing, martial arts, neon colors, gangs…Yep, this has al of them.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:19 pm

Gang roll call:

* Surf Nazis
* Skate Punks
* Tie-Dyed Surfers
* Asian Martial Artists
* Jazzercizers

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:19 pm

Did I miss any?

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:20 pm

I think the Tie-Dyed surfers are actually the New Wave surfers. 

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:20 pm

Adolf had a fairly limited career.

Barry Brenner is an actor, known for Surf Nazis Must Die (1987), Maniac Cop (1988) and Maniac Cop 2 (1990).

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:21 pm

It’s A-Team time!

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:21 pm

Yep, it’s just Warriors on the beach.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:22 pm

One of these characters is called The Candyman. Yessssssss!

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:22 pm

Nothing says beach domination like surfboards with built-in weapons.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:23 pm

Oh I missed the Hell’s Angels gang, led by Candyman.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:25 pm

Candyman was the fourth, lesser-known member of ZZ Top.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:25 pm

I’ve always wanted a sweet van, but I probably wouldn’t do the shark thing.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:26 pm

Whoa, the C-word. Also, Bechdel chicken…and a miss.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:26 pm

I would want the shark thing.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:26 pm

I sense tension among the Surf Nazis.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:26 pm

Samurai Surfers. That’s a p. cool surf gang name, if I’m honest.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:27 pm

Nothing says 80s like a hi-cut leotard.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:28 pm

Hook has the fakest prosthetic. He practically has a can on the end of his hand.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:28 pm

Nothing says depraved like making out with your girlfriend while your minions go out to kill the Samurai Surfers.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:29 pm

Hook’s hook just became like half the size it was in the last scene.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:29 pm

“You too big to kiss your mama goodbye?”

“No, but since we’re actually strangers, I’m going to hug you awkwardly.”
“Oh, okay.”

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:29 pm

Oh, I see. I bet he’s got a fighting hook and a surfing hook.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:30 pm

So, in order to be a surf Nazi, you have to have a swastika prominently somewhere on you. Either on your shirt or in sparkly face paint.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:30 pm

Short-shorts alert!

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:31 pm

We’re a half hour in and so far these characters are completely irrelevant to the plot.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:31 pm

Smeg has a hammer of Thor necklace and so does Ben!

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:32 pm

Why is Ben wearing a skinhead symbol?

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:33 pm

Although its traditional origins are non-racist, and although most Asatruers today are not racist, the Thor’s Hammer symbol has been appropriated by neo-Nazis and other white supremacists, especially those who practice racist or white supremacist versions of neo-Norse beliefs under the guise of Odinism or Wotanism. White supremacists will often even create racist versions of the Thor’s Hammer, incorporating swastikas or other hate symbols into the decoration.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:34 pm

Or is Ben a Norse pagan?

Despite the widespread use of the Thor’s Hammer symbol by white supremacists, the fact that it is an important symbol for non-racist Norse pagans means that one should never assume that the Thor’s Hammer appearing by itself necessarily denotes racism or white supremacy. Instead, one should carefully judge the symbol in the context in which it appears.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:34 pm

I mean Leroy’s mom.

And Ben waved that off. He’s a Norse pagan. But he’s also very blond…and jacked…I’m now a little concerned.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:35 pm

I’m ambidextrous…as in, I sometimes use my left hand…

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:35 pm

If you see Ben picking his teeth with a hook, run!

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:36 pm

“Adolf? Good God is that what that snotty little…call himself?” – Smeg’s Mom. Best line of the movie. 

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:37 pm

Ben says: For all the things this movie doesn’t nail, it gets teenage behavior really well. 

I’d agree. Smeg was pretty perfect.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:38 pm

I think this scene was supposed to be a dramatic turning point, but I couldn’t tell what was happening.

 

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:39 pm

I love these weird montages with Leroy’s mom. It’s pretty amazing.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:39 pm

“I was an economics major. Don’t fuck with me.”

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:40 pm

I don’t understand why anyone goes to the beach in this movie.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:41 pm

They can’t avoid it. After the earthquake it’s all beach.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:42 pm

DO NOT FUCK WITH LEROY’S MOM!

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:42 pm

“Slime-sucking neanderthal, how dare you question my loyalty!” -Eva 

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:42 pm

And now, another surfing montage from filmmakers who cannot afford a proper zoom lens.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:44 pm

You forgot the fisherman gang. And the hippy gang.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:44 pm

Yes, apparently there is a fisherman gang.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:44 pm

Nobody — I mean nobody — fucks with the The Anglers!

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:44 pm

Also, Mengele just killed someone by biting his neck.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:46 pm

The Samurai Surfers aren’t going to take this lying down.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:46 pm

Neither are the guys who went to that spinny shirt-painting tourist store.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:46 pm

The leader of the Jazzercisers is straight out of community theater.

“If I clench my fist enough they’ll believe my words are genuine.”

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:47 pm

The Surf Nazis do have a clear advantage over all the other gangs we’ve seen. All the other gangs only have three guys in them. The Surf Nazis have like … five guys and Eva.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:48 pm

And one of them has a hook and another one is cool with biting people to death. Which is pretty intimidating, really.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:49 pm

So true.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:49 pm

“I’m more interested in something that will take the head off a honky at 20 paces!” – Leroy’s Mom

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:49 pm

So, we’ve got Smeg’s Mom and Leroy’s Mom…no Stacy’s Mom. I hear she’s got it going on.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:50 pm

Leroy’s mom is badass.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:50 pm

She is.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:50 pm

You forgot the Earth Surfers. Who really look like zombie or street urchin surfers.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:51 pm

Those are the Skate Punks.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:51 pm

Oh and there are five of them.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:52 pm

“Dear Adolf, There is some gnarly trouble coming your way. I’m going to hand-write it and put it in the…oh, crap, my mom!”

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:53 pm

I’m going to assume Smeg did not choose his own nickname.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:54 pm

Cut to: montage of the gangs displaying their special skills. The Samurai Surfers will do martial arts, the tie-dyed surfers will comb their hair…anything else?

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:55 pm

I mean, if you’re going to go to the trouble of having martial artists in your movie, you’ve got to have a scene where they do martial-artsy stuff in front of a rising/setting sun.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 20159:58 pm

Surfing isn’t actually a way to get around, is it? I mean, if you’re going to head to a fight, you can’t really surf there, can you?

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:59 pm

Ben and I just did a bunch of research to find that pagoda. For those of you who care: it’s called the Korean Bell of Friendship pagoda, and it’s in San Pedro. Ben thinks he remembers it from The Usual Suspects. Or a white supremacist meeting…

The Bomb Squad May 19, 20159:59 pm

And no, you can’t surf anywhere. You go out, the waves bring you in. That’s pretty much it.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 201510:00 pm

TIL Nazi fighting skills are totally superior to Japanese martial arts.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:01 pm

Biting beats fighting.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:01 pm

Yikes! Mengele is crazed! He just stabbed a dead guy in the crotch. 

Bomb Voyage May 19, 201510:01 pm

You know how I always start a fight? With a cartwheel. Works every time.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:01 pm

Also, who the hell are the Pipeliners?

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:01 pm

Ben informed me the Pipeliners are who I referred to as the Jazzercisers.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:02 pm

Aaaaaaand acid in the face.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:03 pm

Ewwwwwww! Mengele just stabbed a guy and licked his knife afterward. 

Bomb Voyage May 19, 201510:03 pm

Bomb Voyage May 19, 201510:04 pm

I think Mengele’s knife is actually a French chef’s knife.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:04 pm

Doing a cartwheel with your bo staff looks cook but is a bad idea. 

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:05 pm

Backstory: a shark got Hook’s hand and turned him into Anthony Burgess.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:07 pm

“Give a hot beef injection to a lifeless corpse.” -Graffiti 

Bomb Voyage May 19, 201510:07 pm

This is where we learn about the Surf Nazis’ tortured backstories. Or just the shark thing, really.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 201510:07 pm

Seriously that is the dumbest hook.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:08 pm

It looks like the blades the paralympians use to ski with.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 201510:08 pm

If these guys every grow up they are going to be really embarrassed when they look back on pictures of their awkward Nazi phase.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:08 pm

Aren’t we all? 

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:08 pm

Also, my mom just called. 

Bomb Voyage May 19, 201510:08 pm

I think that was actually a boom mic in the scene.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:09 pm

I’m surprised there haven’t been more boom shots. Actually, I’m impressed they have a boom.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:10 pm

So there’s one bike and one van in this movie…that makes chase scenes less intense.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 201510:10 pm

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:11 pm

The worst movie I ever saw for boom shots (seriously, that boom should have been nominated for best supporting actor) was P.S. I Love You. It was a terrible movie. The boom was a highlight.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 201510:12 pm

You’re totally right, by the way. There’s one motorcycle, the shark van, and the classic Mustang the Pipeliners posed with a couple of times.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:12 pm

I love how in post-apocalyptic times they assume people will be wearing crazy amounts of smoky-eye make-up. WHERE WILL THEY GET IT?

Bomb Voyage May 19, 201510:13 pm

Unless Leroy’s mom has a name we just haven’t heard yet and she says something like “Freeze, bitch!” to Eva, who responds “No, don’t shoot!” we’ve got a Bechdel fail on our hands, here.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:14 pm

She does have a name. It’s Eleanor “Mama” Washington. But yes, I imagine it’s a fail. 

Bomb Voyage May 19, 201510:15 pm

Again, I don’t think you can escape on a surfboard. You just come back to where you started.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:15 pm

And the fisherman gang makes a return!

Bomb Voyage May 19, 201510:16 pm

Dude, we’re The Anglers!

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:16 pm

Sorry, Anglers.

Whoa, Eva’s decapitation is actually pretty realistic!

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:17 pm

Also, they had one motorcycle, one van, and one mustang, but they must have had TWO BOATS!

Bomb Voyage May 19, 201510:17 pm

That’s gross. It’s actually gross enough that I’m going to check my instinct and not screencap her severed floating head.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:17 pm

Good call.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:18 pm

“Taste some of mama’s home-cooking, Adolf.” – Leroy’s mom, smoking a Swisher sweet

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:18 pm

That was the most ridiculous movie. 

Bomb Voyage May 19, 201510:19 pm

Totally ridiculous.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:19 pm

My favorite character was Smeg’s mom. 

Bomb Voyage May 19, 201510:19 pm

Smeg’s mom was pretty great. Totally true to life.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:20 pm

And of course, Leroy’s mama. It’s pretty sad they were both known for the men they mothered. 

The Pipeliner guy was a close third.

Bomb Voyage May 19, 201510:20 pm

That wasn’t exactly bad-bad. It wasn’t exactly good-bad, either. I want to give it 2.5 stars.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:21 pm

Yeah, I feel the same. It was ridiculous, but I think it knew that, so that always helps. And there were a lot of other movies rolled into it, as Ben also pointed out.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:21 pm

2.5 stars seems fair. 

Bomb Voyage May 19, 201510:22 pm

Works for me.

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:24 pm

We have a three-way tie for voting for what movie to watch next, so I’m going to leave it open for a bit. Head to our Facebook event for tonight to vote and I’ll announce the winner (and our next movie) there soon. 

We’re off next week, in honor of Memorial Day (or something). And graduation. So tune in in two weeks (June 2) for another bad movie!

Bomb Voyage May 19, 201510:24 pm

See you in two weeks!

The Bomb Squad May 19, 201510:25 pm

Thanks for watching! 

Filed Under: Critic, Live Blog Tagged With: Cinéma Atroce, Surf Nazis Must Die, The Bomb Squad

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