The fakey fake fake Fisher Price fake record player
If you’re a child of the 1970s or 1980s you probably owned or at the very least played with a Fisher Price record player as a kid.
The vintage record players were actually music boxes: the tines of the music box were built into the arm, where the needle would be on a real record player, and the record played the music box. It was entirely mechanical and really pretty cool. These things also wore like iron; you can still buy them on Ebay for as little as $10 because there are gazillions of them still in circulation.
The fakey fake vintage-style fake record player is all electronic. The records, the windup feature, all of that: SHAM. The new ones come with a battery that has to be replaced. JUST SAY NO.