Well, we all knew that one day civilization would come to an end. You all had your ideas: zombies, global warming, nuclear attack. But, the real threat has finally revealed itself.
Super resistant lice. Just go curl up in a corner and wait for death.
Okay, fine, it isn’t the zombie apocalypse, but it might be worse. Scientists have found that in 25 states, lice have figured out our tricks and are now genetically resistant to the active ingredient in most common over the counter treatments: permethrin. These lice are called pyrethroid-resistant lice. Or, as we prefer: Killer Lice Of Doom.
They’re coming from inside the house.
Which states have developed this grotesque infestation, you ask?
The states in pink have confirmed cases of the resistant bugs. Cleanse all those states with fire!
But the bad news doesn’t stop there. These are just the confirmed horrorshows. Primary investigator Kyong Yoon announced to the 250th National Meeting & Exposition of the American Chemical Society that what he found was
“that 104 out of the 109 lice populations we tested had high levels of gene mutations, which have been linked to resistance to pyrethroids.”
We are all doomed.
And before you go google it, yes that includes Rid. And Nix.
Being in the green states on the above map means nothing – Yoon only had samples from 30 states. The only state that Yoon tested that didn’t have lice with gene mutations that would make it resistant to the the insecticide was Michigan. Close your border Michigan. Put up the fence right now!
But what about the rest of us? Are we destined to become lice ridden sub-humans? Yoon says no. He says the simple answer is to alternate the chemicals we use to treat lice. But he cautions,
“If you use a chemical over and over, these little creatures will eventually develop resistance,” Yoon says. “So we have to think before we use a treatment.”
No! Yoon, are you crazy? You’re talking to a population who thinks The Bachelor is appropriate prime time television. We need something easier than “thinking” to stave off this plague.
Oh no. I feel an itch. Leave me behind. Don’t look at me. Burn the house. Save yourselves. Run for your lives. RUN!
Featured Image: Gilles San Martin/Wikipedia